When We Began Read online

When they thought Amber wasn’t listening, the adults would huddle their heads together and talk about how much pressure was on his shoulders now to raise her all on his own and they didn’t know how he was going to do it.

  The last thing Amber needed to do was add more worry to his stress load. Which was why, after crying herself to sleep for the first few nights, the tears dried up and she vowed to keep the promise she’d once made to her mom.

  She’d never lose her drive to be successful. No matter what, Amber was going to achieve all of her dreams. Not only for her, but for her mom.

  And she had, too. Mostly. At least for a little while.

  Would her mom be proud of her now? She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question.

  Amber shook her head and was about to do what she always did, which was make a mental list about what she could do to get back on track, when her phone chirped with an incoming text message.

  It had once been such an ordinary sound in her daily life, almost like a soundtrack to her day, but that was before. Now the sound was jarring, snapping her back to her current situation, which was anything but ordinary.

  She grabbed at her phone and clicked it open, eager to see who’d finally reached out.

  * * *

  How R U? You missed the meeting again last night.

  * * *

  The second she read it, guilt flooded through her. She should have known that Cody wouldn’t let it slide that she’d missed her meeting yet again. That was the point of a sponsor. To hold her accountable and make sure she stayed on track. It didn’t seem to matter that she was on track. There just weren’t any meetings that she knew of in Timber Creek and even if there were, it’s not as if she could go to them. It was a small town, and despite the fact that they were supposed to be anonymous, she wasn’t stupid enough to actually believe that it wouldn’t get out. And the last thing she needed was for anyone, especially her best friends or her father, who’d give her that look, to know that, despite the fact that she’d tried so hard to have it all, instead she’d ruined everything.

  Chapter Two

  The next day, Austin was awake before Amber, dressed and ready to go to school. He’d been so excited the night before when he’d come home, that instead of having trouble sleeping, he’d drifted off almost at once because the sooner he fell asleep, the sooner he could go back to school.

  It was good to see the little boy excited about something normal. Beyond good. Amber only wished that Drew was witnessing it as well. But she didn’t get up much before ten these days. Mostly because she didn’t go to sleep until way after three or four in the morning.

  When Amber first moved in, Drew had lied about her sleeping, but soon enough she hadn’t bothered. Mostly because Amber caught her sitting in the yard, or in the living room, or just aimlessly pacing the halls of their small house too many times to believe that something had woken her.

  It was a process—similar to her own—and this too would pass. Amber nodded to herself as she poured a cup of coffee and tuned into Austin’s constant chatter about what was planned in Mrs. Brewster’s class for that day. She listened to him all the way to school and into the playground before he tore away from her to join his new friends. She watched him for a minute, but she needn’t have worried. He blended in with the other kids, and was laughing and smiling within seconds of catching up to them.

  Friendly and popular, just like his parents had been in school. Austin would be just fine.

  Once again, after dropping him off, Amber sat in her car and stared at her phone. Just like the day before, and the day before that, there were no missed calls, no voicemails, no emails waiting for her attention.

  Nothing.

  It was the hardest part of everything she’d been through for the last three months. Harder than the rehab, harder than detoxing her body after years of abuse, harder than keeping the secret from her friends and family. By far, the hardest part had been losing her job and everything she’d worked for her entire life. Going from being an important person—who was so necessary to close deals, to answer questions, to make decisions that were essential—to someone who might as well not even exist. She’d lost her entire identity.

  It was more than hard. It was devastating.

  Amber stared at her still quiet phone, willing it to ring with a question only she could answer.

  But it wasn’t going to and she knew that. Because there was no one to ask questions anymore. Not since she’d been fired mere weeks before finally making partner at the firm she’d devoted her life to. Not that she deserved anything less. She’d put the firm at risk with her irrational actions. And if it had been her decision, she would have made the same one.

  But that didn’t make it any easier to accept.

  Amber had hoped that helping Drew out after Eric’s passing would be a good distraction from her own life, and it had been. At first. But with Austin in school now, and Drew more or less happy to spend her nights walking the halls and her days sleeping, it was getting harder and harder for Amber to forget that her own life was in complete shambles.

  She needed more.

  With a sigh, she tucked her cell phone back into her purse and put the car in drive. Not that it would be any kind of substitute for a real job, but maybe paying a visit to her father would feel just enough like work so she wouldn’t feel totally useless. Besides, she’d been back in town a few weeks now and she still hadn’t gone to visit.

  Not that he’d care whether she waited another month, but still. It was the right thing to do. And more than that, it was something to do.

  Amber could have made the five-minute drive to the house she grew up in in her sleep. The sleepy little street hadn’t changed, at least not on the surface. A few houses had seen some much-needed upgrades, and a few others were in need of some. The kids she’d grown up with were gone, but mostly there were new kids in their place. It made her smile to see the abandoned bikes, balls, and various toys scattered around the front lawns, waiting for their owners to return home from school and start playing with them again.

  Her dad’s house looked almost completely unchanged from the last time she’d been there, which had been earlier that year when she’d returned to Timber Creek for the big reunion party at the high school.

  Two visits in less than a year. Must be some kind of record.

  She left the car at the curb and without hesitating, marched up and rapped on the front door. While she waited, she straightened her skirt and blouse and tossed her long black hair behind her back. She knew she was overdressed, wearing the same designer clothes she would have worn to the office, but she couldn’t seem to bring herself to put jeans on during the work week.

  A few moments later, her dad opened the door. “You don’t have to knock,” he greeted her. “It’s still your house.”

  That wasn’t true and they both knew it. The house hadn’t felt like her home since the day her mom died. It became cold and sad and empty. Maybe it wasn’t fair to her father, but increasingly after her mom passed away, she’d spent more and more time with her friends Cam, Christy, and Drew and their families. Not that her dad seemed to mind.

  It was probably easier for him, too, that she hadn’t been around much.

  “Hi, Dad.” She didn’t reach her arms out for a hug, and Joseph Monroe didn’t ask for one. Instead, he turned and led the way through the house toward the kitchen. It was as much of a greeting as Amber expected.

  “I heard you were back in town.” Joseph pulled two mugs from the kitchen cupboard. “Sorry to hear about your friend.”

  “You heard about Eric?”

  “I read the paper.”

  “Right.” She nodded and accepted the cup of coffee he poured her. “Well, I thought I’d come back home for a bit and help Drew. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose a husband like that and with such a small child.”

  “No,” Joseph said. “You couldn’t.”

  Amber knew her father didn’t mean anything by the c
omment, only exactly what he said that no, obviously she couldn’t imagine what it would feel like considering she wasn’t married and had no children of her own. But it still stung.

  She took a sip of the strong coffee and avoided looking at him for a minute. It had always been this way. It wasn’t that her dad was completely void of emotion; it just seemed that way. At least to Amber. But she’d gotten used to the lack of hugs, the constant criticism for marks that weren’t perfect, the holidays that went uncelebrated, and always feeling like more of a nuisance than a daughter.

  She’d mostly gotten used to it.

  “How are you, Dad? Keeping busy?”

  “I retired two years ago, Amber. You know that.”

  “I do, Dad.” She nodded and forced a smile through her gritted teeth. Of course she knew he was retired. When the doctor finally told him he was going to work his way into an early grave if he didn’t sell his insurance company, he’d kicked up such a fuss that the doctor had called Amber personally to see whether she could talk some sense into him. Ultimately, Joseph had sold his business and retired the way it had been suggested. At the time, Amber had hoped he’d get out of the house more, maybe make some friends and find some hobbies he enjoyed, but as far as she could tell, he still mostly kept to himself. “So what are you doing with your days now? I know you like to keep busy.”

  “I’ve got my pens,” he said. “I just got a new wood I’m going to try out on the lathe next week.” His face lit up a little bit when he spoke about the pens he’d started making. Amber had never paid much attention to his handicraft, but he did seem to enjoy turning the wood and assembling homemade pens to sell at the markets.

  “That’s good.” She nodded and took another big sip of her coffee. “And did you sell a few this summer?”

  “All of them,” Joseph answered matter-of-factly.

  “All of them?” She sat up straight. “How many did you make?”

  “Fifty-five.”

  “Fifty-five?”

  “Is there something wrong with your hearing, Amber?”

  “No.” She shook her head and put her cup on the table in front of her. “It just seems like a lot of pens. And you sold them all? That’s great.”

  “It is.” He nodded, his mood shifting again. “How’s the firm? Have you made partner yet?” The subject changed quickly and not entirely unexpectedly. He never did like to talk about himself, but he always had a lot of opinions about what Amber was doing. “I expected to hear that you’d made partner already. You’re not getting any younger, you know?”

  “I know that, Dad.” She shook her head and muttered under her breath, “Thanks for pointing that out.”

  “Pardon?”

  She smiled as sweetly as she could. “I was just saying that I was aware of how old I was.” At thirty-three, Amber was very aware that not only had she not made partner the way she’d planned, she never would now. She’d have to start over and the idea was more than a little daunting.

  “I’m sure you are.” He looked at her strangely, as if he couldn’t understand why she would say such a thing, which he probably couldn’t. Her sarcasm had always been lost on him. “So what cases are you working on? Still doing corporate law, aren’t you?”

  “It was always my focus,” she answered as ambiguously as possible without outright lying to him. There was no way Amber was going to tell her dad that she was fired. It simply wasn’t an option.

  “Well,” Joseph continued. “I don’t know why it’s taking so long for you to make partner then. If you work half as hard as you say you do, you should have been partner years ago.”

  Amber nodded. It was easier than trying to explain to him for the dozenth time that hard work didn’t necessarily equal a partnership.

  “How long are you in town for then? I’m sure you’ll need to get back.” Her father pushed his coffee mug back and forth between his hands, but didn’t actually drink any, from what she could tell.

  “I think I’ll stay for a while,” she answered honestly. “I had a lot of vacation time banked up, and I can’t think of a better time to use it then to help a friend.” Again, it was another not quite lie. But he didn’t seem to notice.

  “Well, we’ll have to visit again before you go.” Joseph pushed up from his chair unexpectedly and took his untouched coffee to the sink. “I have to get going if I’m going to make it on time.”

  “On time for what?” His abruptness took Amber off guard and it took her a moment to catch up. “You’re working? Where? I thought the doctor told you if you didn’t—”

  “I’m not working, Amber.” He clucked his tongue. “I’m volunteering. It’s different. Except for the commitment—that’s the same. When I say I’m going to be there at a certain time, I sure as hell will be.”

  “I get that, Dad.” Amber took her mug to the sink. Her dad was always punctual. He considered tardiness a personality deficiency. “Where are you volunteering? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “It didn’t come up.”

  She refrained from pointing out that she’d asked him only a few minutes ago what was new and what he was doing with his time. “Right,” she said instead. “Where are you volunteering?” she asked again.

  “At the stables. There’s a new program. It’s been around a few months and I stumbled upon it one—”

  “Stables? Like at the ranch? With horses?” She didn’t bother to hide the surprise on her face. “But…you…horses?”

  “Why not me and horses?”

  Amber bit her tongue because she couldn’t really think of a good reason why it didn’t make sense. She could actually remember when she was a little girl and he would talk about being around horses when he was young. Somewhere along the line, he’d stopped talking about it, but…maybe it did make sense. Still, something seemed off. “What program were you talking about?”

  “A young local man started it up. It’s called equine therapy. And basically it’s where people use horses to help them get over their problems.”

  “What?” Amber truly couldn’t believe what was coming out of her father’s mouth. This was a man who, for her entire life, had dismissed therapy as a useless waste of money. “Why would you pay someone to talk to them?” And not only did he think therapy was a gimmick, but the man Amber knew would have scoffed at the idea of using horses for therapy; he most definitely wouldn’t be volunteering at such a facility. It didn’t make any sense.

  Stunned, it took her a minute to formulate the next question. “Horse therapy? Why?”

  “Because it seemed like they could use the help out there and I needed something to do.” Her dad gave her a look that instantly made her feel as if she were twelve again. “Besides, the doctor says it’s good for my blood pressure.”

  “Blood pressure? What’s wrong with your blood pressure? I can talk to Mark…I mean Doctor Thomas about—”

  “So many questions.” Her father shook his head in dismissal. “I don’t have time to get into the details right now, Amber. The horses are—”

  “The horses are animals, Dad. Not therapists. And they’re definitely not doctors. If you have high blood pressure, you should be—”

  “I just said that I didn’t have time to have this discussion right now, Amber. Particularly if you insist on continuing to interrupt me.” He plucked his car keys off the hook by the light switch and moved through the house with the expectation that Amber would follow him out.

  Which she did.

  “We’ll visit again,” Joseph turned and said to her when they reached the front step. “It was nice to see you.”

  He was gone a moment later, leaving her standing on the porch of her childhood home, staring after her father just the way she had so many times before.

  Chapter Three

  Logan Myers ran the brush over Peanut’s back one more time before patting her gently on the side. “All done, sweetheart. How about a treat?”

  The horse twitched her white head and her ears flickered, which meant she t
hought the idea of a treat was a good one. Logan chuckled at the animal’s predictability and gave her an apple. He’d been working with her all morning and she’d more than earned it. Peanut was a calm, easy horse and was going to be absolutely perfect for the kids’ group therapy program he wanted to start up.

  There were a lot of programs he wanted to get up and running now that he was officially certified to offer equine therapy in the state of Washington. It was just a matter of the town accepting the idea and finding a few more clients for his new business, Taking the Reins. Logan planned to start small, which was a good thing because he currently only had two horses to work with and he didn’t even have his own stables.

  Logan left Peanut in her stall and moved to the pile of muck just outside the barn doors, setting himself to the task of shoveling it.

  Ruby Blackstar was a third-generation rancher in the Timber Creek area and luckily for Logan, she had no heirs, was getting older and less interested in ranching, and was in the process of downsizing her operation. For Logan, that meant that he was able to lease the stables for a more than generous price, and she threw in the old rancher’s cabin for free. Ruby allowed him to use the facilities to get his practice up and running. It was still in the infancy stages, to say the least, but he’d get there. It was just a matter of time before the word got out and he started building up his clientele.

  Between his work at the ranch, trying to grow a business, and his volunteer commitments with the Timber Creek fire department, Logan barely had enough time to sleep, let alone to think about much else.

  Almost anything else.

  It had been almost four years since Tina died. Four years since he’d been alone. Four years since he’d even thought about another woman. Despite the constant physical ache that he carried with him where Tina’s love used to be, in many ways, the last four years had been a quiet respite from the real world. He’d thrown himself into school and work and anything to distract himself from the reality of his loss. Which, for too long, meant he’d drowned his sadness in booze. But the bottle had never been deep enough, the drinks never strong enough to numb the pain.